Are we parents too strict?

I have just read an article in the herald sun, which says a study was done and the results show that Parents who are too strict raise more delinquent children than those who relax.

At first I thought, you say what!!!  How can this be? But I was having this exact discussion the other day with my hubby.

It came after a conversation I had with someone about rich people.  This person was sharing a dislike for rich people because the children didn't appreciate what they had, and looked down their noses at those that were less fortunate as they.

Of course this has sent me on a spiral of thought, as does every deep conversation I have with people.  And I was thinking about the pressures that are on these kids.  They come from very wealthy families, who can afford the best schools etc.  And the pressure to achieve is huge.  So of course when they come out from under their parents wings they lash out.

Sometimes this lashing out is at people, and as we have read in the news one year, it was at a kangaroo.  The pressure builds up.  So the study that states parents who are too strict, produce delinquent children I completely agree with.

I think that there is a line of course.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't be strict, but the opperative word is "too".  We should have rules and boundaries for our children, because the extreme opposite of being too strict with our children is having no boundaries at all, and that has the same result.  When parents become the party buddies, the best friends, the no discipline lifestyle.  It leads to teen pregnancy, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and violence.

But so too does extreme strict parenting.  Especially when that parenting is done with violent force.  Many children who are abused physically as children will go on to be abusers themselves.  It doesn't condone the child's actions but it allows us to understand their actions.

So what is the answer? Where is the line. 

I think it is possible to be friends with your kids, and have boundaries at the same time.  It is possible to have an open relationship with them.  One of the things I have learnt as my boys become teenagers is to not sugar coat.  They aren't as dumb as we think they are.  They take notice of what is going on in the world a lot more than we think they do.  They often know more than we do, but don't tell them that!!

I have learnt that I can be friends with my boys, but they know I have boundaries, I have rules.  I don't so much care if my boys swear, because I would rather them do that than take drugs, but they know that when they are in public they are not to swear and carrying.  It's usually at an xbox game that they swear at.  They have learnt this through teaching, talking and discipline.  There have been consequences for their actions.

And as they grow our relationship will continue to evolve and grow, and there will be times that I will have to learn to let go and times where I will have to hold on tighter.

I believe that one of the ways is to remove this pressure to achieve.  It doesn't mean that you allow your children slack off and do nothing, but I think by teaching them that it doesn't matter if you don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars, but if you do something that you love.

So what do you think, is the study right? Does being too strict lead to children that have problems?

Love you all

Sam
xxx