Those people...

We all have them, those people that for whatever reason have to be in your life, they are either family, co-workers, friends partners, partners friends, bosses or neighbours.  They are those people, that would rather have nothing to do with but unfortunately are stuck with them in your life.

I have a few of those people unfortunately.  They are the ones who only talk to me when I have something they want, and then the rest of the time treat me as if I'm dirt beneath their feet.  And yet for some reason whenever they are treating me well, remembering that they only want something, I feel special, I feel like this time it might be different, and when they go back to treating me like dirt, I suddenly become hurt.

This sounds all very similar to a domestic abuse relationship.  And in a warped sense this is exactly what these relationships are.  They are abuse.  They are people who only come into our lives on their terms, they are the people who ask you how your days been and then talk over you mid sentence, or ask you to go out with them, and then dump you half way through the day for someone else that they brought along.

I'm not sure whether I've been guilty of this as a friend, I truly hope I haven't been.  But I must say it really pisses me off.  It doesn't so much annoy me that they are doing this, what annoys me is that I give in.  That I fall into their trap.  I have always thought myself smarter and better than that, but it goes to show that I too fall prey to con-men.

I was talking to my hubby today about this exact topic, why women fall prey to con-men.  Where I worked we had this man who I will call Tim come in, he was a real smooth talker, he knew how to play the victim role, he had most people eating out the palm of his hand.  I always was pleased, that I never fell into this trap because Tim was madder than a cow with mad cow disease.  Yet I watched women swoon over him, I watched men fall submissive to him.  And when he didn't get what he wanted he threw a fit... I saw many of them.  In fact I probably provoked many of them, so that others could see how mad Tim truely was.

But it shocked me just how easily the tiniest bit of charm can work.  Another man I know who I will call Harry.  Unfortunatley he is one of those ones that I just can't get rid of, not because he doesn't get the hint, but he is one of the afore mentioned people.  I have no choice but to keep him in my life.  Yet he only feels it necessary to talk to us when he wants something, see us when he want's something, and then the rest of the time completely ignores us like we don't exist.

So through all this whinging what do we do? How do I ignore them, how do I say no.  I am not a confronting person, I don't like arguements, I don't like violence, yelling etc.  That's not me, I don't cope with drama.  Hence the reason I don't say no when one of these people come and ask for something from me, when I know only too well that the minute I give it to them they wont talk to me anymore.  I wont be considered in their life.  And isn't it funny how when one of those people come and ask you for something and you do get the courage to say no, it is the biggest drama in the world.  It's as if we have taken a knife and cut their arms and legs off.  They can't cope, we are the worst people in the world... Oh and don't forget just how much they have done for us!!  Yet I can never seem to remember what exactly it is that they have done for us.

I've often asked myself is it because of my weight? Is it that they are embarrassed of me? Is that why they don't want people to see them talking to me? 

Whatever the reason it does nothing for ones self esteem, let me tell you!!

So the point of all this rambling is, take care of the way you treat people, when you are having something to do with someone, make sure that your agenda is right.  That your friendship extends both ways.  Check yourself when you are listening to someone, have they said all they need to say before you interrupt.  Because if anyone has those people in their lives, you will know how it feels to be trodden on, used and abused.

Love you all

Sam
xxx