To smack or not to smack this is the question!!

The debate about smacking is happening again.  Do we make smacking illegal?

I don't really know how I feel about this.  I have to admit that I did smack my children, I never punched them or left bruises or went over board.  And I do agree with the experts where they say that smacking a child comes out of frustration.  As I was generally frustrated when I gave them a smack.

But I question, when is right to smack and when is not.  Now experts have said when we are frustrated we shouldn't, but how do you explain to a two year old that playing with a knife isn't good.  Or like I did as a toddler, running out in front of a semi doing 80kms an hour is also not good.  I just don't know that it is possible to explain to them and for them to understand.  And when my children were little, a smack on the hand was far more effective.

I'm definately open to suggestions as to what others think.  But I totally see the hypocrisy in smacking a child for hitting.  But then in saying that, how do you know what is right and wrong? I learnt not to bite someone because I know that when I got bitten by my cousin it hurt.  I knew not to bully people because I was bullied and it hurt. And in this came explaination as to why it hurt and showing me that I shouldn't do it.   So can we truly just simply explain to a child that they shouldn't do something without them experience the pain that their actions cause another? Or do we give them a smack and then explain what the pain is for?

And I guess that then opens up the eye for an eye, which is what I have already blogged about being wrong.  If someone murders is it ok to murder them? 

It's definately a heated debate, that I have found many people feel very strongly to both sides of the debate.  But as I said I'm a little unsure.  I guess what worries me more, is not the fact that we wont be able to smack our children, but the legal stand point.  If someone sees me mucking about with my 14 year old son who likes to play rough, and I punch him in the arm, they haven't seen us wrestling, they haven't seen him play hit me, they only see me play hit him back, will they just automatically ring the police?  It's not that I'll get charged that bothers me, it's that it makes people become dibber dobbers.

I agree wholeheartedly that we should report child abuse, and if you know a child that is being abused ring the police or dhs.  But where is the line.  How does dhs prove that I have hit my child if all they received is a smack on the hand? There are no bruises, there is a forgotten smack, as toddlers don't remember a light smack.  So then it opens it up for abuse, a cold hearted dhs worker, a psychiatrist looking for demons under every rock, an over zealous police officer, and they can convince the child they are being abused. 

I know that sort of thinking seems extreme, but it can happen.  I remember a story when I was a child, of many parents having their children removed and being charged with sexual abuse, because a doctor decided that if as a doctor he touched the anus of a child, and they clenched up that showed a sign of abuse.  It's terrifying to think that a child can be removed and parents charged based on such limited proof!!  But it happened, and I'm sure there have been other cases where this has happened.

The other issue that I have with a no smacking law, is parents who believe strongly in smacking, how do they learn a new technique for parenting? I've watched the super nanny, I tried the time out method, I tried the naughty spot, and I couldn't get it to work, after much trying.  So I wonder does it really work? Who is going to teach us mums who have relied on a smack on the hand for many years how to discipline our children? Or are we going to see a whole bunch of kids that are only raised by schools?

Recently I worked in a primary school and to see how many of those children who the teachers were raising.  One particular parent, whose child was a nightmare to deal with, told the teacher, that they didn't care what their child did while at school it was the teachers problem, and if they couldn't control their child maybe the teacher should have a career change.  When I was told this my jaw almost hit the ground.  Our parenting and disciplining doesn't stop the minute our children enter school!  The school is simply there to complement our teaching and morals.  Hence the reason the choosing of a school is so important.

Today I read about a child who in grade three was given homework.  I never remember having a homework until I was in grade 6.  My boys were never given homework in such a young grade, the only thing that they were expected to do at home was to read a book.  Which we enjoyed doing.  I wonder as a society do we put too much emphasis on growing our children up, by putting this unrealistic idea of what success is.  And this is why we are seeing a society of young people going off the rails, drugs are on the increase, suicide is on the increase, binge drinking is on the increase. 

When I was in high school, it was quite acceptable for a young person to want to take on a trade, ie hairdressing, carpentry, chef.  But it seems now that, these are looked down upon careers.  That unless you want to be a doctor, lawyer, or physicist, then you are not good enough.  Schools look down on parents who don't have the internet, and would rather go to the library and use good old fashioned encyclopedia's. 

I don't know that this can all be blamed on becoming a society where we don't smack, however as a society Australia and the rest of the world is definately changing.  We are becoming softer on discipline.  But is that the right way to go? Or is the behavioural problems we are seeing because there is a struggle between kids growing up and doing things beyond their years, and keeping them young and children?

I have watched a tv show on Austar called "Toddlers and Tiaras" it's quite a horrifying show really.  But it's a show about the beauty pageant scene.  Children are made up to look "sexy" with fake tans, fake nails, fake eye lashes.  Other parents slightly more extreme are those that give their children botox and plastic surgery.  But this is what I'm talking about, our media is filled with shows such as gossip girl, glee, secret life of an American teenager.  Shows that have adult themes such as teen pregnancy, having constant sex with different men even those that may be a teacher, and these are shows that young children are watching.  These same shows, tend not to show the negative side of such issues.

At my middle sons grade six graduation ceremony, I took particular notice of what the girls wore.  I saw many girls in heels that they couldn't walk in, make up that my mother used to say was applied with a trowel and fillets to stuff an empty bra.  They looked like they were graduating high school rather than primary school.  It shocked me!!  And I looked at the parents and they were filled with smiles, no problems at all.  Another story that I heard was a lady I know, in a supermarket and over heard a girl no older than 14 tell her dad that the shoes she needed had to look "hookerish".

So what is happening to society? Is smacking the answer? How do we prevent this growing up too fast for our children?

Tell me what you think!!


Love you all

Sam
xxx